Tag Archive for: emotional agility

Naming the Fear

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Four Tips for Having the Conversations Everyone Else Is Avoiding

Here’s what no one wants to say out loud right now: people are scared.

They’re worried about layoffs, about funding drying up, about whether the work they’re doing even makes sense in this environment. And the longer we avoid those conversations, the more fear festers.

The good news? You can break the ice and talk about it.  These conversations don’t have to be perfect—they just have to be real.

Don’t Let Silence Create Its Own Story

When leaders say nothing, people make up their own narratives—and they’re rarely hopeful ones. Opening the door for honest dialogue shows your team that fear doesn’t have to be hidden. It can be heard and held.

Use a Grounding Framework

Try this:

  • Acknowledge the context (“There’s a lot of uncertainty right now, and I know many of us are feeling it.”)
  • Share what you know and what you don’t know (including what’s still unknown).
  • Invite questions and concerns without needing to solve them all on the spot. When they can’t be solved right now, ensure people that you are looking for answers. If you know a decision is well off in the future, reassure them when you know more, you’ll communicate what you can immediately.
  • Keep the door open (“Let’s keep this conversation going—we’ll learn our way through this together.”) Note the word ‘learning’.  It reframes the experience.  You aren’t ‘struggling’ or ‘grappling’, you’re on a journey that increases your capacity and certainty going forward.

Listen Without Fixing

Sometimes the most powerful move is simply to listen.  As a leader, that can be very difficult.  You’re wired to fix and act. In this situation, you don’t have to promise outcomes. You just have to stay present. When people feel seen and heard, their anxiety often softens—even if nothing external changes.

Use Fear as a Gateway to Focus

Fear can be reframed. Fear makes things seem bigger and more overwhelming. Once fear is acknowledged, it can help sharpen priorities, clarify values, and re-align effort. Ask: “Given everything, what feels most important right now? What can we control?” Then make an action plan to impact what can be controlled.

Bottom Line:

When you make space for hard conversations, you create a culture where people feel safer, stronger, and more connected. And that’s what builds real resilience—not just strategy decks and cost-cutting plans.

The Unspoken Rules of Communication: What Your Team Isn’t Telling You

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If you think your employees always tell you the truth, you’re incredibly lucky.

Every leader likes to believe they have an “open-door policy,” but let’s be honest—most employees don’t buy it. Too many have had the experience (often with previous bosses) that speaking too freely gets them labeled as difficult, uncooperative, or worse. So instead of telling you what’s wrong, they tell you some variation what they think you want to hear. Meanwhile, real problems fester, and by the time they surface, they’ve turned into full-blown crises.

The Hidden Truth: The Fear of Speaking Up is Costing You

Your team isn’t lying to you—they’re just editing. And the more senior you are, the more filtered your information becomes. Employees at all levels often avoid sharing hard truths with their boss because they’ve seen what too often happens when others do: nothing, or something bad.

The Fix: Make Honesty the Default (Not the Exception)

If you want the truth, you have to earn it. That means:

  • Asking sharper questions

    Replace “Is everything okay?” with “What’s one thing slowing you down that no one’s talking about?” The first few times you may be greeted with silence or be told ‘everything’s fine.’  Keep asking. Someone will finally take the chance and tell you their one thing.

  • Proving you can handle bad news

    Employees won’t be honest if they see leaders shoot the messenger. I was leading a team at a financial institution that was redesigning our performance management process based on employee engagement survey results.  We were a cross-level, cross-functional team. The CEO was our sponsor. During a check-in, a team member who worked in a branch, told the CEO a hard truth. We were a little stunned. The CEO was grateful. So grateful that he invited this person to have lunch with him once a month to share her perspectives.

  • Making feedback safer.

    Create spaces where people can share insights without fear of retribution. These can be formal or informal.  Share stories of people who shared insights, what the benefit was, and the actions taken. Those stories demonstrate that feedback is expected and welcome. I once worked for a large consulting firm that did the exact opposite. In an office-wide meeting, a consultant asked if we would have the opportunity to provide feedback into Partners’ and Managers’ performance reviews.  The answer was an unequivocal ‘no’. That story spread across the office like wildfire. It reinforced what we already implicitly knew – feedback was not welcome and it was not okay to question anything that a Partner or Manager did. This led to everything from bad habits to unethical behavior defining the culture.

When leaders make honesty a habit—not just a slogan—they stop being the last to know and start making better, faster decisions.

You’re Overlooking the Most Important Leadership Skill of 2025

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Hint: It’s Not Strategy, Vision, or Execution

If you had to bet on the most valuable leadership skill in 2025, what would you choose? Strategic thinking? Data-driven decision-making? Change management? All solid bets—but you’d still be missing the one skill that’s about to define leadership success more than any other: the ability to have tough, trust-building conversations.

Provocative Point: AI is replacing routine decision-making, and strategy is becoming more automated. But the human ability to connect, challenge, and align people toward a vision? That’s irreplaceable. Yet, most leaders still struggle to communicate clearly, deliver feedback effectively, and have the tough conversations that create real alignment.

Solution: Make 2025 the year your leaders become exceptional communicators. Train them not just in the mechanics of giving feedback, but in how to build trust, listen deeply, and communicate in a way that strengthens relationships while driving results. The organizations that prioritize this skill will develop leaders who don’t just execute well—they inspire teams to follow them into any challenge.

5 Minutes. 5 Days. (Re)gaining Joy at Work

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Joy and happiness are two different things. Both impact things like creativity, individual productivity, and the company’s bottom line (yes, it’s true). But joy is more sustainable.  Here’s a 5-minute per day, one-week plan for kickstarting your path to getting more joy out of work.

Are you missing joy at work?  Or maybe, you’ve never even put the two words joy and work together in the same sentence.  May is Mental Health Awareness Month. Joy is important to mental health. Finding it at work is very challenging for many of us. However, finding it may be more important than ever.

Isn’t joy just another word for happiness?  Not really. According to Merriam Webster dictionary joy is the emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune. Joy comes from being connected to our uniqueness, authenticity, to others and to something meaningful. Joy is something we create and more intrinsic. Happiness is sparked by an external event or situation. Research shows both joy and happiness impact our creativity, energy, productivity, health, ability to handle stress, and the company’s bottom line. Joy is more sustainable.

Interested in (re)gaining joy at work? After all, we do spend most of our days working. Creating joy needs to be an active pursuit made up of small steps we take every day. I challenge you to take the 5-minute, 5-day challenge to (re)gain joy at work. It works best when you implement it over 5 consecutive days and jot your answers down somewhere so you can look back on them.

Day One: 5 minutes:  Reconnect to your North Star.  What is your big why?  Why do you do the work you do? How is it helping you live your values? How does your work connect with other important things in your life? What about it is driving you right now?

Day Two: 5 minutes:  What is one thing you can influence or change at work that will allow you to align with your North Star more completely – even if it’s a small thing. What is one task you could do? Or stop doing? What is one opportunity you could take to give yourself a few minutes to focus on something more meaningful? Or to laugh? Or to take a deep breath?

Day Three: 5 minutes: What colleague could you help?  Maybe you’re thinking you don’t have time to help a colleague because you have so much on your plate.  What if you grabbed them a cup of coffee when you go to grab one yourself? Could you have a walk and talk to help them think through a challenge while you both go to pick up lunch (that you may be eating at your desk so you can keep working!)

Day Four: 5 minutes: What are your strengths?  What energizes you?  What is one way, in the next week, you could more fully use that strength? How could you craft your job so that you are able to do this more consistently and frequently?

Day Five: 5 minutes.  Reflect and reward yourself.  What accomplishment are you proud of this week? How did you live your big why? What one thing did you influence or change? Who did you lend a hand to? How did you use your strengths more fully? Do you feel more joy today than you did 5 days ago?

Integrate this challenge into your daily routine every week. Assess the impact at the end of 3-weeks and 3 months. Let me know what happens.

What’s Going On With You? A Little Introspection Can Improve Personal Performance

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Recently, I’ve been talking with leaders, including mid-level leaders, about the challenges they are facing with staff shortages, continued ambiguity from COVID, and end of year pressures. In these conversations, the underlying theme is the toll these issues are taking on their emotions and their continual effort to push those emotions away or to simply plow through them.

The context for these conversations is a broader discussion about leading with emotional agility. Susan David and Christina Congleton, in their Harvard Business Review article, define emotional agility as the ability to manage one’s thoughts and feelings in a mindful, productive way. When most of us get hooked by our negative thoughts, especially at work, we have one of two reactions. We buy into them (“I always do something stupid that gets in the way of my success.”) and avoid the situations that may evoke them. Or, we rationalize them away (“I shouldn’t have these thoughts. Just get on with it.”)

When we get hooked and choose one of these two common reactions, we are not giving ourselves the opportunity to respond effectively and intentionally. To choose to respond rather than react, the first step you must take is to recognize what is going on with you.

When I talk with these leaders, I ask them how many times a day they check in with themselves to assess what they are feeling. The overwhelming response is never. Some will say rarely. A very small fraction will say regularly. Then we do the following exercise:

First, we pause the conversation right there and I give them 30 seconds to just stop and check in with themselves.

Before the pause, I encourage them to work hard to accurately name what they are feeling. Don’t just tell themselves they are feeling stressed. Rather become more granular in the assessment. Are you angry? Frustrated? Overwhelmed? Constrained? To respond, rather than react, the first step is to accurately identify and understand what you are feeling. You can’t create an effective response or strategy if you are unable to clearly define what you are responding to.

At the end of 30 seconds, I ask them about their experience. They often say it makes them feel more centered, have more clarity, and are better able to manage those emotions than have the emotions manage them. It provides them the space to choose a response.

We then discuss how pausing 1-2 times a day – taking 1 minute out of an 8, 10 or 12 hour workday– can significantly impact the ability to become more emotionally agile and the impact of that agility on their ability to lead in challenging times.

Over the next few weeks, take a moment or two throughout the day to check in with yourself. What are you feeling? How are you reacting to those emotions? What opportunities do you have to pause to make the choice of how you will respond?

These are stressful times. You’ll find that this technique also works quite well at home.